Chelsea is coming to this world!

Today went for my check up. From every 3 weeks reduce to every 2 weeks... now, i have to go every week. Why? Becos my Chelsea is coming out to this world soon. Now already in the middle of week 35 and doctor say in just 10 days, Chelsea will be full term which means she will come anytime. Woohoo~ Both excited and nervous... Really can't wait to see her, to hold her in my arms and to take care of her.

At the beginning when my stomach haven't started to show, i still did not think of how to take care of her or having any feelings about her. But after more and more, everyday, touching my stomach, seeing it grows bigger and bigger, the responsiblity of taking care of her becomes a natural instinct. To know that there is a life growing inside me. Always thinking of how to teach her in the future and what to take note of when it comes to raising her up.

Now everyday, i think of the moment in the labour ward, waiting and bearing all the pain just to bring her out into this world and hold her in my arms. Seeing her for the first time, maybe laughing at her for looking so old as the first few hours of her life, she will looked wrinkled and old. Jb and i promise not to laugh at her but i'm sure, we will brust out in tears not becos she is ugly but becos of happiness.

Dr. Wong said she is growing very healthy. I think so too becos she kicked alot still and is gaining 500g every 2 weeks and now, she is already 2.5kg. It's still within the normal range. Good thing she is not too heavy, if not i will have problem pushing her out! LOL~

Today we did the scan and she is so huge now... i wonder how tall she is... but she sure looks fat in that scan... hee... Oh my Chelsea, papa and mama is waiting for u to come into this world and soon, we will have our house so that u can round in the garden and i will make papa to do a tree house for u and mama. Hee~ Je t'aime Chelsea. Papa and mama we love u~

In exchange for a new chapter of life~

2006 finally ends and let's welcome a brand new year. We are moving into 2007 and there are more events to come. 2006 marked a new chapter in my life. Last year, i gain something and lost something in return. I lost my freedom in exchange for a brand new life. I have skipped a lot of things in my life and this is the path that i took... Having my freedom go, i welcome my new family. Regrets? No... but really wished i can hold on to my freedom for a while longer.

It's not that i want to get my freedom back. I love my new family and welcoming my new baby is something which a mom can really gain happiness from and yet, not from other people but only from yourself. Somehow, it seems that this family is not just another ordinary family. It is something more than a simple family. It is also something that i wished for a long time that i could cancel...

In my life, i hate a few things to happen to me and some of them do happened on me. I hate being controlled by someone, having to live with someone that with do anything to benefit everyone esp, himself/herself. having to decide the things for me as that thing will at least benefit him in some ways... There are a lot of things that makes me rethink of giving my freedom away...

All i wish for is a simple family with no other people coming into our life. Right now, i only want the 3 of us to be a family and not include others. I don't wish my mom to know the existence of others. Of course, i admit i dun like them and in fact, i hate them... He knows but he want to let my mom know... and i hate that if he ever tell my mom about it... If they never pass my acceptance, i will not let my mom know about their existence. I accept him for having them and that is a fact. But he have to know, i want the only 3 of us to be our new family...

Until he can show me he is capable of handling this matter, then i will not rethink of letting my freedom wasted away for nothing... I am being selfish and yes i know that! He have to understand me as i have told him '000 of times that i am very selfish when it comes to this matter.

Respect or not?

Today is x'mas day and it is supposed to be a happy and joyful day. But something juz upset me the last mins. We had a party today and when most of the people arrived, uncle called me into the room and asked me why i didn't inform him that there is a party going on. I thought mom have told him but she didn't. He asked me an angry tone as though i was in the wrong. Well, i admit i am wrong for not telling him.

They have been having cold wars since a long time and none of them wanna say anything. Everyday i saw 2 long faces. I know i shouldn't interfere with them, but this seems to have influence me in a way. I realise they didn't not know how to respect each other. Mom blame uncle for not telling her that he is going to his sister house and said he have no respect for her. So in another way, uncle will think that mom show no respect for him because she didn't tell him we are having a party.

After all, this is uncle's house. I felt so shame and dare not face him. Fen did not understand my situation and said that we shouldn't interfere with their life. I didn't... but could anyone have a thought for me? Living here is not easy as i have to respect their decisions all the time. Fen told me that everyone have to put on a mask. To me, having to put on a mask in front of the family is something wrong to do. If you have to put on a mask in front of the family, means you are a scheme person.

OK, let's talk about respect, i don't know how you value the word respect. But for me, i respect people who knows how to respect themselves before respecting others. How many people know my life back in Swiss? Not a alot... not even JB when i was in school. A lot of people showed me no respect in school, someone even tried to sabotage me. But i was glad because all the professors trust me and they do respect me. Alot of them came to me and said i am indeed a hard working girl. That is something I'm really proud of. Not a lot of Asian got that compliments.

Other thing is being with JB. I know from the beginning that he has 2 daughters. I don't mind that and i told him i don't mind him having 2 daughters, but he can't make me accept them. The reason i don't accept them is because they don't respect JB and they are damn rude to me. I hate kids who are rude to me, showing me no respect. Honestly, during my time back in Swiss, i am always rude to them, though i didn't scold them but i show them who i am. Never, i will love them, i juz can't bring myself to do that. They have done way too much and their mom, slutty bitch! Wanna show me the power she have? I'll show her mine. I'm not wearing a mask, i juz hate her and for all the things she had done to me and JB.

Everyone thinks I'm having a good life back there, do you think so? How many times i hate my life? But why am i doing all these? To be ugly, torturing myself! No, because i know JB suffer more than i do. Because of his daughter, he sacrifice alot, but they don't know anything. In return, they asked for more, like their mom told them to...

Life is bad over there but here, seeing mom and uncle like this, i think this is a waste. Mom have been working all her life so hard and now she got someone who can take care of her and i think she is asking too much, she and uncle are so stubborn. Being a couple and living together is not easy. Why do they wan to make it more difficult?

Fen always told me to see pa so skinny is so pitiful. I know pa have suffer a lot too. If only she can think for mom also. We as their children, we want them to have the best. Do you want ma and pa to be lonely for the rest of their lives?

I always think who is going to take care of them when I'm not there? Do i have the ability to take care of them even if I'm here? But at least i can do something and this is to be beside them. We went back for dinner every Sunday to company pa. Think about this, if you don't want pa to cook becos you scare he is tired, then think for ma also. She is working as well and during the day, i can tell u that she hardly get to sleep. Every week she asked us to go back for dinner. Does anyone scare that she will be tired too? Anyone dares to voice out to them and tell them they are in wrong? I always told myself, a mistake does not caused by only 1 party, but both. Think about this!

If you all think pa is tired and don't want him to tired himself, then do think for ma also. Pa always asked me if i still have money, i know he wants to give us some money, but thinking, that is his hard earned money, we don't want to waste his money like that. I want him to have the best also. If only I'm working, i will definitely help to pay for the house Everyone thinks i have a good life, i do have my own problems like all of you.

If i say I'm useless, fen will say i think too much, she never understands me, no one does... honestly, not even JB...

A trip to Mount Faber

Here are some photos we took during our little night trip down to Mount Faber!

Fen is busy msging while ah sing is busy eating his chips...

Here is where i came in and disturb the both! smile and pose....

Fen thought ah girl will be going so bought her some bubble but in the end, i'm the one who's playing... lol~

Fenni wanna took my fatty leg... ok!! I know i'm fat...

They decided to join me in my fatty leg club. So, here it is,ah sing's leg..

Here is fenni's leg... after, she decided to take herself... think she is bored... but everytimes, she n lingu will take my camera and shot themselves... Think they have 自恋狂? lol~

OK, now we wanna to take a proper group photos. Here it is...

We are waiting for fenni to set the timer. But she push the wrong button... lol~

She didn't know that the timer is running and when we told her, it was too late.. lol~ she was running towards us and the timer went off and take this shot... lol~ oh no..

Ok, now she try to make another one, but it seems like she had switch off the timer and when she press the button, the shot becomes like this, again, she can't be in the photo... lol~

One last try, and there it is, she had a hard time... lol~ OK, smile!!!

We were trying to think of a pose for each, so i'm raffles and ah sing is the coolie, but fenni was taking the pic, if not she can be someting else..

Singapore girl with merlion...

Fenni was telling us regarding her work. She said she in her company, Indian ocean holds more power n a higher chance of promoting... n then, we saw Indian ocean, we decided to take a pic of her with Indian ocean, hopefully she can get promoted... lol~

On the way back, we remembered that last time, Lynn was here with us and she was taking photo at the same spot but i was standing behind her. She thought it was a ghost standing behind her due to the lights on the floor... now, we tried to take the same photo but it wasn't as ideal as we want it to be... lol~

Well, it was indeed a nice outing... we had some fun, i hope we can have more small outing together before i go back to France...

my dear grandfather

My ah gong, at sure a old age, hoping to have his children to love him and show him concern. Hoping nothing from them but juz pure love. Didn't even want to bother his children but due to several strokes during the past, he had to depend on his children to look after him. During all these years, some showed great care n concern while some, not being filial to him all along.

Last night, ah gong was admitted into the hospital again. He fell down several times during the last week where he was staying at Teck Whye home. There are many bruises and the most severe injury are the fall on last Sunday morning when we went over to pray our late grandma. He fell in the morning before everyone was there. But er jiu, said nothing to us, perhaps maybe he's scare that he might get into trouble!!! This fall, lead to a minor stroke. Worse scenario, he was admitted into hospital last august due another stroke. That was his 4th time getting a stroke. Now, just a fall and lead him to another stroke again.

Lucky we found that earlier and admit him to the hospital in time. But this incident, really frightens the couple( my er jiu) . They have not been very filial to ah gong. Even now, i dun think i want to call them anymore when we have gathering. They show no respect for ah gong means they show no respect for themselves. Thus, no point respecting them!

This couple have been very ridiculous and as the year pass, they became hopeless. They rather spend money on luxury goods then to pay for the medical for my ah gong. Last week, ah gong finally get to go back to his home at Teck Whye after staying at xiao jiu's house. Although xiao jiu wants him to stay there a lot but ah gong still feels that Teck Whye is his home. Well, that's the old folks, rather die at home then outside. Xiao jiu would like so much that one day ah gong will say he wants to stay with him. After sending ah gong to xiao jiu house last month, the situation got worse. The couple without any warning or mentioning, send ah gong to xiao jiu house. Da jiu had his house warming last month and the couple brought ah gong there thinking that ah gong will go to xiao jiu house n stay. Just before going back, the couple just told xiao jiu that they are going to let ah gong with him for one month and that is the way it suppose to be. Alternative taking care of ah gong. Feeling like ah gong was a ball, being kick here and there. Everyone of us felt sorry for ah gong and angry with the couple.

That month during his stay at xiao jiu house, ah gong was sent for therapy 3 times a week. From immobility to being able to walk with the help of walking sticks. He really recover during this time. But last week, after going back to Teck Whye till today, from having the ability to walk with the help of his walking stick to ending up in the hospital. I dun know how many times he had fell for the last past week. But bruises can be seen on both his knees and his arms. Huge black bruises and yet, the couple knows that and said nothing. They only said he fell but added that he is all right. NONSENSE!!! Well, sunday fell cause him to have a minor stroke becos that fell falls on his head. Till today, he's complaining having headaches.

Feeling scare, the couple? I dun think so! Perhaps scare that they might have law suit. WHY? Well, simple, they got last night becos er yi brought him to hospital as they know he fell down last sunday and couldn't walk properly. Suspecting that he might have another stroke. They rush to the A&E, the couple, feeling "guilty" went with them to check what happen. Thinking that maybe they can show that they care for ah gong too so that no one will push the responsibility to them. Upon reaching there, the couple, with both of their hand folded, standing there looking as if it is none of their business.(Written on 21 Nov) to be continue...