Respect or not?
Today is x'mas day and it is supposed to be a happy and joyful day. But something juz upset me the last mins. We had a party today and when most of the people arrived, uncle called me into the room and asked me why i didn't inform him that there is a party going on. I thought mom have told him but she didn't. He asked me an angry tone as though i was in the wrong. Well, i admit i am wrong for not telling him.
They have been having cold wars since a long time and none of them wanna say anything. Everyday i saw 2 long faces. I know i shouldn't interfere with them, but this seems to have influence me in a way. I realise they didn't not know how to respect each other. Mom blame uncle for not telling her that he is going to his sister house and said he have no respect for her. So in another way, uncle will think that mom show no respect for him because she didn't tell him we are having a party.
After all, this is uncle's house. I felt so shame and dare not face him. Fen did not understand my situation and said that we shouldn't interfere with their life. I didn't... but could anyone have a thought for me? Living here is not easy as i have to respect their decisions all the time. Fen told me that everyone have to put on a mask. To me, having to put on a mask in front of the family is something wrong to do. If you have to put on a mask in front of the family, means you are a scheme person.
OK, let's talk about respect, i don't know how you value the word respect. But for me, i respect people who knows how to respect themselves before respecting others. How many people know my life back in Swiss? Not a alot... not even JB when i was in school. A lot of people showed me no respect in school, someone even tried to sabotage me. But i was glad because all the professors trust me and they do respect me. Alot of them came to me and said i am indeed a hard working girl. That is something I'm really proud of. Not a lot of Asian got that compliments.
Other thing is being with JB. I know from the beginning that he has 2 daughters. I don't mind that and i told him i don't mind him having 2 daughters, but he can't make me accept them. The reason i don't accept them is because they don't respect JB and they are damn rude to me. I hate kids who are rude to me, showing me no respect. Honestly, during my time back in Swiss, i am always rude to them, though i didn't scold them but i show them who i am. Never, i will love them, i juz can't bring myself to do that. They have done way too much and their mom, slutty bitch! Wanna show me the power she have? I'll show her mine. I'm not wearing a mask, i juz hate her and for all the things she had done to me and JB.
Everyone thinks I'm having a good life back there, do you think so? How many times i hate my life? But why am i doing all these? To be ugly, torturing myself! No, because i know JB suffer more than i do. Because of his daughter, he sacrifice alot, but they don't know anything. In return, they asked for more, like their mom told them to...
Life is bad over there but here, seeing mom and uncle like this, i think this is a waste. Mom have been working all her life so hard and now she got someone who can take care of her and i think she is asking too much, she and uncle are so stubborn. Being a couple and living together is not easy. Why do they wan to make it more difficult?
Fen always told me to see pa so skinny is so pitiful. I know pa have suffer a lot too. If only she can think for mom also. We as their children, we want them to have the best. Do you want ma and pa to be lonely for the rest of their lives?
I always think who is going to take care of them when I'm not there? Do i have the ability to take care of them even if I'm here? But at least i can do something and this is to be beside them. We went back for dinner every Sunday to company pa. Think about this, if you don't want pa to cook becos you scare he is tired, then think for ma also. She is working as well and during the day, i can tell u that she hardly get to sleep. Every week she asked us to go back for dinner. Does anyone scare that she will be tired too? Anyone dares to voice out to them and tell them they are in wrong? I always told myself, a mistake does not caused by only 1 party, but both. Think about this!
If you all think pa is tired and don't want him to tired himself, then do think for ma also. Pa always asked me if i still have money, i know he wants to give us some money, but thinking, that is his hard earned money, we don't want to waste his money like that. I want him to have the best also. If only I'm working, i will definitely help to pay for the house Everyone thinks i have a good life, i do have my own problems like all of you.
If i say I'm useless, fen will say i think too much, she never understands me, no one does... honestly, not even JB...
Labels: Thoughts and says
posted by nini-nounours at 12/26/2006 12:22:00 am
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Here is fenni's leg... after, she decided to take herself... think she is bored... but everytimes, she n lingu will take my camera and shot themselves... Think they have 自恋狂? lol~
OK, now we wanna to take a proper group photos. Here it is... 
We are waiting for fenni to set the timer. But she push the wrong button... lol~ 
She didn't know that the timer is running and when we told her, it was too late.. lol~ she was running towards us and the timer went off and take this shot... lol~ oh no..
Ok, now she try to make another one, but it seems like she had switch off the timer and when she press the button, the shot becomes like this, again, she can't be in the photo... lol~
One last try, and there it is, she had a hard time... lol~ OK, smile!!!
We were trying to think of a pose for each, so i'm raffles and ah sing is the coolie, but fenni was taking the pic, if not she can be someting else.. 
Singapore girl with merlion...
